This is a longer play than my others – supposed to be about an hour long. Twelve students make up six pairs, five of whom present a TV program as a skit each, and the other two do advertisements in between each show (these aren’t included). They also take turns to introduce the next show on a sofa at the front of the stage. Here it is:
Television madness
(On the sofa)
Izzy: Oh, I’m so bored. What can we do, Raymond?
Rayond: Well, we’ve finished all our homework and we’ve been good. Let’s watch TV!
Izzy: OK, but only for half an hour. Otherwise, it’s not good for our eyes.
Raymond: I know a great talk show – it’s called Oblah.
Izzy: Yes, I love that show!
(Pointing the large remote control towards the audience)
Izzy & Raymond: Let’s watch “Oblah”!
(First show begins)
Backstage: And now, let’s welcome everybody’s favorite talk show host – Oblah!
(Blah, blah, blah song for entrance dance)
Oblah: Thank-you, thank-you. I’m Oblah, and tonight we have some very special guests. The first of whom, is a legend of the music industry. You might know him better as “The King”. Everybody, please put your hands together for…Elvis Presley!
Elvis: (Shaking hips and deep voice) Thank-you, thank-you very much.
Oblah: Mr. Presley, it’s such a pleasure to have you on our show.
Elvis: Thank-you, thank-you very much.
Oblah: I just love your music.
Elvis: Thank-you, thank-you very much.
Oblah: Please, tell the audience how you became the most popular musician of the 20th century.
Elvis: Well, I think it must have been my shoes.
Oblah: Excuse me?
Elvis: My lucky blue suede shoes. They just make me want to shake my hips, like this. Come on everybody! Shake with me!
(Blue suede shoes song and exit)
Oblah: I must buy myself some of those shoes. Our next guest has sold over 40 million singles world-wide. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…Lady Gaga!
(Rah, rah, rah, bah, bah song for entrance dance)
Oblah: Miss Gaga, it’s so wonderful to have you here.
Lady Gaga: Thank-you, you can just call me Lady.
Oblah: OK…Lady. You’ve shot to fame over the past few years. Please tell us how are handling your popularity?
Lady Gaga: I love it. It gives me a chance to wear amazing costumes and perform with wonderful artists.
Oblah: Are there any down-sides of being so famous?
Lady Gaga: Well, yes. I have become extremely busy. So busy, in fact, that I can’t even answer my telephone. I don’t like it, but nowadays, I have to tell some people to stop calling me!
(Telephone song and exit)
Oblah: Sadly, that’s all we have time for. This is Oblah saying thanks again to all our wonderful guests, and thank YOU for tuning in.
(On the sofa)
Bill: What shall we watch now, Andrew?
Andrew: There’s a new drama on TV. It’s called “Love lost, revisited”. I really like it.
Bill: Oh, yeah. But, that show always makes me cry…
Andrew: Don’t worry. I’ve got some tissues.
Bill:Great!
Andrew & Bill: Let’s watch “Love lost, rekindled”!
(Start of second show)
Powerpoint: It was on the most ordinary of days…
Maria: One cappuchino, please. Hold the sugar.
Powerpoint: In the most ordinary of places…
(Maria goes to table, sits down and rests her books on the table)
Powerpoint: Something very out of the ordinary happened.
(Joseph walks past table knocking her books to the floor. Maria jumps up in surprise and they both go down to pick up the books, where they meet eyes. Maria steps out of position to the front of the stage, as if speaking her inner thoughts. Joseph stays in position.)
Maria: Who is he? I haven’t seen him around here before. He seems different to everybody else…What’s happening to me? I’ve never felt this way before ~
(Maria goes back to crouching position. Joseph gets up and moves to front of stage)
Joseph: Oh, what a beautiful girl! She’s looking me…I should say something, something smooth. But, what? Hurry up, this is your chance. Don’t blow it! Just say anything that comes into your head…
(Joseph moves back to crouch. Music starts (Savage Garden – Truly Madly Deeply)
I’ll be your dream. I’ll be your wish. I’ll be your fantasy… (Joseph and Maria sing the lyrics to each other)
Powerpoint: One year later…
Maria: Joseph, do you recognize this place?
Joseph: Of course I do, honey. It was the place we first met. I’ll never forget that day.
Maria: You were so charming.
Joseph: Yes, I know. I mean…I was?
Maria: You told me you wanted to stand with me on a mountain, and bathe with me in the sea. You said you want to stay with me forever, until the sky falls down on you. Oh, you have such a way with words.
Joseph: Um, yes…About that “staying with you forever” part. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
Maria: Ah ha…
Joseph: It’s my job. I’ve been relocated to New Zealand.
Maria: New Zealand? You know I can’t go to New Zealand!
Joseph: I know, but there’s no other way…
(Music – “Baby” by Justin Bieber)
Powerpoint: Then, long after these events had become fleeting memories…
(Joseph and Maria walk towards and past each other. Joseph turns around.)
Joseph: Maria?
Maria: Joseph? I thought you were in New Zealand!
Joseph: Yes, but it wasn’t quite the same. You know…the same as…
Maria: Before?
Joseph: Yes…(Joseph gestures to the coffee shop behind them where they had met)…Cappuccino?
Maria: Why not ~
(Truly Madly Deeply music starts up again. Joseph and Maria walk into shop and sit down at table to talk.)
(On the sofa)
Angel: That was so sad. But I do love a happy ending.
Paul: Me, too. Hey, we should stop eating junk food. We’ll get fat!
Angel: You’re right. Hey, I know a great weight loss program. It’s called “Fatburner”.
Paul: Just what we need!
Angel and Paul: Let’s watch “Fatburner”!
(Start of third show)
(Doing aerobics to “I like to move it” song)
Sarah: Work that body! Yeah! Come on! One more!…Two more! Keep it going!…Three more! That’s it! Now, stretch it out! Great job, everybody! (Music ends)
Hi guys, you all know me – Sarah Skinny, your favorite fitness instructor and host of “Fatburner” – the show where fat becomes history. Our next guest has been trying to lose weight for six months now, but has had no success. Let’s welcome, Bobby!
Bobby: Thank you, Sarah.
Sarah: Bobby, we all know that doing exercise is a great way to stay healthy. You can move much more freely when you are not overweight. Is that why you want to lose weight?
Bobby: No, Sarah. That’s not my reason.
Sarah: Oh, I see. Well, it must be because you want to have more energy. Right?
Bobby: Um, no. That’s not it either.
Sarah: Oh, dear. Then, I have no idea. Bobby, why do you want to lose weight?
Bobby: Well, Sarah, it’s simple, really. I’m doing it for the ladies!
Sarah: Pardon?
Bobby: Let me explain. If I take care of my body and keep myself in shape, it shows that I am motivated and have good self-discipline. I can become a better person and can attract the lady of my dreams!
Sarah: Hey, that’s a great point, Bobby. Everybody in the audience. Are there any single ladies in the audience?
Oh, yes. All the single ladies, put your hand up. I’m your man!
(“Single ladies” song)
Bobby: Wow, I feel better, already! And I can feel my fat burning away. But I have one question, Sarah. My bottom is still so big. What’s the best way to get a nice skinny bottom like yours?
Sarah: Oh, that’s easy, Bobby. You just need to shake it.
Bobby: Shake it?
Sarah: Yes, shake it like a polaroid picture! Come on, try it with me!
(“Hey, Ya!” song, twisting dance)
Bobby: It really works! Thank-you, Sarah.
Sarah: You’re welcome. Hey, what are you doing later? Do you want to go and get a burger?
Bobby: Sure!
(Exit, hand-in-hand)
(On the sofa)
Charlotte: What’s the time, Jason?
Jason: Hm? Oh, it’s almost six o’clock.
Charlotte: Six o’clock? Ah!
Jason: What’s the matter, Charlotte?
Charlotte: It’s nearly time for the TVHM evening news!
Jason: Really? Then, we’d better change the channel. Quickly!
Charlotte and Jason: Let’s watch “TVHM News”!
(Start of fourth play)
(News anchors sitting at desk)
Tony: Good morning, Taiwan. I’m Tony.
John: And I’m John.
Tony & John: Welcome to TVHM News!
(News music interlude)
Tony: In tonight’s top stories, the National Bank of Taiwan was robbed in broad daylight.
Powerpoint: Shot of bank with robber fleeing.
Tony: And, on the east coast of Taiwan, typhoon Judy has unleashed itself causing widespread destruction.
Powerpoint: Shot of typhoon.
(News music interlude)
Tony: At 2 o’clock this afternoon, a lone thief raided the SongDe branch of National Bank, making off with 10 million dollars. This picture of the robber was taken on closed circuit TV:
Powerpoint: Shot of angry thief.
Tony: Our Taipei correspondent, Frank, is on the scene. Frank~
(Prerecorded video)
Frank: Thanks, Tony. I’m standing outside the entrance of SongDe National Bank, where the crime took place. Incredibly, because the robber was wearing a disguise, nobody has been able to make a clear identification. All we know is that the thief was wearing a black face-mask and a black and white striped shirt. Let’s see if we can find a witness….Ah! Excuse me sir? Do you have a moment?
(Robber comes into frame)
Robber: Um…yes…
Frank: The bank has recently been robbed. Did you see anything?
Robber: No, do I look like I would have seen anything? What are you trying to say?
Frank: Oh, nothing…I mean…Maybe you might have seen the thief. He was wearing a black mask and a striped shirt, just like you. Hey, wait a minute!
Robber: That’s all we have, Tony. Back to you!
(Thief runs off)
Tony: Mm…Very strange. Well, I sure hope they catch the thief.
John. I’m sure they will, Tony. In our next story, residents of Ilan county are fighting the destructive force of typhoon Judy. Let’s go to Ted. Ted, are you there?
(Prerecorded video: Ted’s hair gelled to on side, struggling to stand upright, yelling into camera. Debri fling through air)
Ted: Yes, John! I’m standing in a house in the small town of Nan SuAo! As you can see, the windows have been blown out, and the wind is blowing straight through! I have the owner of the house here. Mr. Lin, how are you coping?
(Mr. Lin stuggles into shot)
Mr. Lin: Oh, it’s terrible! I forgot to tape up my windows! My house is a mess! Wooh!
(Mr.Lin flies backwards out of shot. Crash!)
Ted: Back to you, John.
John: Thanks, Ted. I hope Mr. Lin in OK. As, you can see, it’s very important to tape up your windows when a typhoon comes.
Tony: Indeed. That’s all we have time for, folks. I’m Tony.
John: And I’m John. See you next time~
Tony & John: On TVHM news!
(News music interlude.)
(On the sofa)
Sabrina: The news was a little strange tonight, don’t you think, Vincent?
Vincent: It sure was! I feel like watching something more light-hearted.
Sabrina: I know a fun game show. It’s called “Family Feud”.
Vincent: Yes, that’s the best! But after this we’d better turn the TV off.
Sabrina: Mm, we’ve already been watching TV for half an hour.
Sabrina & Vincent: OK, let’s watch “Family Feud”!
(Start of last play)
Jacky: Hello, everybody. I’m your host, Jacky.
Little S: And I’m Little S.
Jacky: Welcome to Taiwan’s favorite game show, “Family Feud”. We have some fun and exciting games coming up, for you to enjoy.
Little S: That’s right Jacky. The first game is called, “Secret number”. We need volunteers from the audience.
Jacky: Don’t be afraid, everybody. We won’t bite! Now, I would like everybody to check the color of the sticker your hand.
Little S: Yes, if you have a yellow sticker, please come up to the stage. We need ten people!
(Chinese translation)
Jacky: Great. Now we have some contestants to play our game. Let the first game begin.
Jacky & Little S: SECRET NUMBER!
(Music)
Jacky: Contestants, please do not turn around.
(Chinese translation)
Little S: Everybody in the audience. Here is the secret number!
(Chinese translation)
(Number is displayed on screen)
Jacky: Now, contestants, you must try to guess the number behind you. Little S and I will ask you, one by one.
(Chinese translation)
Little S: Are you ready?
Jacky: (To first contestant) Please guess a number between 1 and 100.
(Chinese translation)
(Continue narrowing down number range until number is guessed.)
Jacky: Congratulations, you are the winner of “secret number!”. We have a wonderful prize for you! (Give prize)
Little S: Everybody, clap your hands!
(Chinese translation)
(Contestants leave stage to music)
Little S: Now, it’s time for our next game, “Don’t pop my balloon”. Ladies and gentlemen, please check your hand again. If your sticker is red, it’s your turn to come up! We need ten more people!
(Chinese translation)
Little: First you will need to put a balloon around your foot. Balloons for everybody!
Jacky: Let me explain the rules. When you hear music, you need to pop all the balloons you can, but be careful not to pop your own!
(Chinese translation)
Little S: The last person to have a full balloon is the winner!
(Chinese translation)
Jacky: OK, is everybody ready? Great, start the music!
(Play for five or six rounds)
Jacky: Wow. We have a winner!
Little S: Here is your prize. (Give prize) Thank you, you may go back to your seats.
(Contestants leave stage to music)
Jacky: That’s all we have, ladies and gentlemen. See you next time on…
Jacky & Little S: “Family Feud”!
(Ending music)
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